what the fuck, pop tarts? what the fuck!

NOTICE: If you are offended by poop, feces, crap, shit, dookie and any talk of these things, please stop reading...

There is a strange phenomenon that has been happening to me for as long as I can remember. Every time I eat Pop Tarts, I immediately have to shit. Like, before I finish the Pop Tarts, I have to shit. This happens every time without fail. Even if I just woke up, took a poo, and then ate a package of PT's, I'm in the bathroom no later than 10 minutes. Matter of fact, that happened this morning! Just thought I'd share.

Tigers:

Tigers beat UCF at home last night 76-70. How is Will Coleman only playing 17 minutes? Isn't he our only post guy left? Mack and Sallie both benched to start the game for "disciplinary reasons." Hmm, Niles quits, Mack and Sallie benched...maybe Pastner rubbing some guys the wrong way. Of course, when you go to competing for NCAA title to barely beating UCF, I can see how you could lose focus.

NBA:

So Houston is about to get a lot better. They trade T-Mac (who hasn't done a damn thing this year!) to the Knicks and get Caron Butler, Brenden Haywood and another player (Hughes, Curry or Jeffries). The Wizards get Al Harrington from the Knicks.

So basically, the Rockets are giving up nothing in terms of players or draft picks and they're getting an All-Star and a solid big man. The Knicks get their cap space as T-Mac's deal expires after this year and the Wiz get Harrington. The only team getting better in this deal is the Rockets. If the deal does go through, I would assume the Rockets would be able to secure a playoff spot, thus leaving probably only one spot for the rest of the middle of the pack teams to fight for.

Right now, San Antonio is the 7th seed! OKC has jumped to 5th with their 6 game win streak. It's going to be interesting to see how this is going to play out, because right now, the top 8 teams are the best 8 in the West. The 9, 10 and 11 goes like Houston, NO and Memphis. Even if that trade goes through, the Rockets still have to hope that somebody slips from the 6, 7 or 8 spot. They are clearly better than us if the trade goes through, so that means we really have to get hot in the second half and hope Tim Duncan gets a tumor and Steve Nash dies of heart failure. NOLA still doesn't have Chris Paul so you have to think they'll start to lose focus and then lose games. This trade could be a huge blow to our playoff chances. But all the trades won't even matter if we don't start winning games.

To all teams that want to trade for Amare Stoudemire. Please take a second and review the career of Jermaine Oneal. Are you done? Ok, now slap your face. Amare has maybe 2-3 good years left but he's going to hit that 30 year old wall and start filling up the STAT sheets with DNP's. He's already had one microfracture surgery and a major eyeball surgery. JO got that $120 mil contract, had a few good years, then it all went to shit and he's what 31 years old? He averages 13 points and 7 rebounds. And you know how much money he's making this year? $23 million. Why would a team invest max to near max money with Stoudemire? He also seems to have ego issues and oh yeah, doesn't play defense. But it will happen, some owner will pay him big bucks before the new CBA agreement and he'll be the next JO, getting traded or rumored to be traded for his expiring contract, while he averages bench player production and still thinks he's First Team All NBA.

Dingleberries:

• Brooklyn Decker is SI swimsuit cover girl. She is definitely hot, but the fact she's with Andy Roddick, just makes her less attractive....well, not really.
• John Stamos. Sitting here watching Family Feud and it's soap opera vs soap opera. Stamos plays for team General Hospital. Third straight day he has been on. Every time he talks all the girls go crazy in the crowd! So my question is: Has there ever been a big a playa playa as Stamos? This is 27 years ago and the motherfucker still to this day is the mack of the minute. GH, Full House, ER...he's the ultimate lady killer. I challenge someone to find another guy who has had it this good for so long.

Music:

Yo Gotti - Standing in the Kitchen.